Snippets

On days like today, when I've gone to bed in full freak out mode and awoke, still panicking, the next day, I take some time to look through a book that's become my "anti-panic attack" book. It's a journal my friend Hannah gave me for my birthday this year, and I've begun to fill it with pictures and quotes that help me refocus and slow my heart down. In the interest of helping me do that this afternoon, I decided to type up a few selections from my book:

Cracks and Jesus Glue

   Some of you know that my mother suffered from bipolar disorder for many years of my life. She found support in church friends, on occasion, but I know others from our homeschooling or church circles gave her platitudes. Jesus loves you; you can do anything through him; I love you too, I hope you know that. None of that was particularly helpful, but for many I know they thought it was a genuine fix if she’d only listen.

I’m still a bit confused as to why Christians tend to think religious platitudes will help solve the great problems of life. I’m even more confused when Christians judge those who can’t ingest the platitudes and use them to turn their lives around. Sometimes things are just too broken to cover up with the clever use of a Bible verse, or a sermon, or a series on God’s love. My mother used to talk to me about “receptors” when I couldn’t understand her mental illness. “I can read a verse about God’s love a hundred times,” she said, “but until I can receive it, it doesn’t make a difference. Sometimes my receptors are damaged or numb, and I can’t experience the truth in the words I’m reading. I know it’s true, but it doesn’t change how I am or how I feel.”

Five days at headquarters

Driving through Iowa is more fun than most people realize. There's a great deal of sky that you don't see when you live in a river valley, and if you drive over half the state in one day, you get to see the sky a variety of colors. I passed an Amish event (the farmyard looked like a sale lot for carriages), I got stuck behind the slowest Missouri driver I've ever seen, and I saw a set of crosses with an empty, open tomb below; a statue of Jesus standing in front of it with his hands raised to heaven. This was in southern Iowa, arguably the top of the Bible belt.

I feel blessed to drive through Iowa on my way to and from Missouri this week, and not just for the beautiful sunlight and scenery. I got to visit my grandmother on the way down, and she seems to be doing well, despite the health difficulties and chemotherapy treatments. My grandfather I didn't get to see. He's back in the hospital and I don't know if he'll be out for Thanksgiving. It's starting to hit home for me that their days on earth are not long, and what they have left is going to be difficult for them and all the family around them. I cried much of the way to headquarters after that visit, which means that (yay for pale skin!) my eyelids are STILL puffy and darkly circular three days later.

Admittedly, it wasn't the best way to start my week at missionary candidate school, but the first official day was still excellent. I met a couple of my fellow candidates at breakfast, and we got to chat during prayer card photos. I've seen our former state director at meals (she now works at headquarters), and a couple of friends who are working here now have stopped to talk with me in the halls.

My new catchprase?

Next month I'm heading down to CEF headquarters in Warrenton, Missouri, to start some support-raising training!

But before I can do that, I need a new catchphrase uh, vision statement, in 20 words or less.

What Bethel is thinking at the end of spring semester

"I am so thirsty, I'm gonna walk out in the hall and attempt mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on that low-water-pressure drinking fountain."

"That flagpole sounds just like a railroad crossing."

"I'm pretty sure I can make the Warsaw Pact have something to do with the Hitler-Stalin pact. Just sayin'."

"That orange juice looks just like spring... I needed that."

"Wow, my document writer automatically fills in 'proletariat.' I just want to write 'professor'!"

"'User name or password is incorrect'? They're the same thing!"

"I should look back at that building fondly as I walk away, since I may never be there again. What am I saying, I still have finals!"

"Pregnancy brain. Except, I'm not pregnant."

Plans

So my life has devolved into this:

Step 1: see new email, phone message, etc. about something I need to do.
Step 2: ignore message until it is no longer pertinent.
Step 3: do laundry.
Step 4: realize that I should have done something about that something instead of letting it drop.
Step 5: get annoyed and promise to do better next time. (see Step 1)

Grr. I know I'm not the only one who lives like this sometimes. But sometimes, every once in a while, on my off days, I feel the tiniest bit like I'm the only one with so many plans that aren't going anywhere. See, I'm still in the planning stages on most of...my life.

I have some event planning to do for the CEF fall banquet (one of my favorite times of the year when we get to reflect on the summer and what God has done), and some sleepover planning so our summer missionaries can get together before the fall banquet (more fun!).

But there's also plans like, how will I raise support this fall so I can continue working with CEF, or should I quit working with CEF and get a normal part-time job to juggle with my current part-time job? File under "Job Plans."

Then there's my living situation; I'm in stage one of considering a move, stage one being, "who could rent a place with me?" and "what all must I consider before making a move -- proximity to my school, or to work, or whether or not I can also afford a car?" Also, "can I really afford a move when I may or may not be between jobs (see "Job Plans")?" That's a can of worms I file under "Place Plans."

Weekend wedding

"So how was the wedding?" was the popular question at church today.

"Good," I said, qualifying that with "Nat and I are really tired."
Poor baby Natalie. She and I came home earlier than the rest of the family so we could work in the nursery this morning. We were both exhausted and a little sun-roasted, like July tomatoes. But Natalie came through like a trooper. As we walked out into the hot sunshine after church (and a VBS meeting neither of us had expected), I commented to Nat that at least neither of us was getting married today. "Or yesterday," she sighed. True that. One sister getting married yesterday was plenty!

Setting up tables under the grape arbor for the reception.

Western Wisconsin, here I come! -- Oh wait. I'm already here!

I've just come on staff with Child Evangelism Fellowship.

This is crazy exciting!!

Keats, Harry Potter, and the Matrix. Because I'm not a Poet.

Who was it who said, "a thing of beauty is a joy forever?"
Ah yes.
It was John Keats in his poem Endymion, and I think he was wrong.

MORE Kids Quotes

This blog has become all about the kids quotes! But uh, I'm not sure I can remember anything else from this week. :) It went by so fast! We taught 3 clubs a day so the days were full and sticky (juice on the parachute in 90-degree weather, anyone?).

The quotes might be the most telling...
________________________________________________________

"Jesus is the way, Jesus is the way. Jesus is the only way at club today!"
- a kid at our park club who loved rhymes.

Teacher:"Why where the Christians praying? Maybe something bad had happened..."
Child:"Maybe hamburgers fell from the sky!"

Teacher:"What has God given to you?"
Child:"My Star Wars video games and lightsaber!"

Teacher:"How can you come to God with a right heart attitude?"
Child:"Talk to him nicely."

Teacher:"What is a missionary?"
Child:"Someone who tells anybody about Jesus!"

Host's child when his dad came in: "Daddy, this is 5-day club!"

T:"What do you think they had at the feast?"
C:"Chicken!"
C:"Ribs!"
C:"Cow tongue!"
Teachers:"Cow tongue?!"

Sometimes it's the teachers that get a little... odd.

Teacher:"He probably had a lot of doctors but none of them knew anything! So..."

Teacher:"Wow! That was awesome! Style points!"
Kid:"Yay! We get more points!"
Teacher:"...Oops."

An amazing joke from this week's teacher:
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Broken pencil!
Broken pencil who?
Never mind; it's pointless. :D

*Cough Cough*

Hey everyone!

Or maybe I should say, hey everyone.
My voice is going, going... shortly, gone!

The only really bad part about this - besides that I get so bored when I can't talk! - is that I'm teaching backyard Bible club tomorrow.

:/

Yes, I do not feel good about this. My teaching partner Jojo and I both felt very brain dead after today's clubs, but God came through, and Jojo was able to lead a little boy to Christ!
If He used us, two worn out off-the-wall girls, don't you think He can use my voice?

(I guess I think so :) )

Grad!!

I'm so excited!!

Only three days until my graduation.

Until recently I thought it was ridiculous how much attention was given to graduating. "Why focus on my graduation," I sniffed. "It's a small step comparatively... It's not like I won the Nobel Prize - yet - or got married - yet."

But now... I'm excited! Maybe part of the reason is that I'm not worrying about what I'm doing after high school anymore. God not only tells me not to worry for my own sake; He says it's a sin to worry! It's such a relief to accept that His future belongs to Him and not me.

It should be a fun life after graduation.

I mean, it's been good up to this point, right? :D

To Do's

So tomorrow, I have a lot of things I have to do... and I'm having to put off "work stuff" again. :[

It's making me nervous to put off my CEF work for so long - I want to have it done in good time and not have to worry about it when things get really crazy; i.e., in June. So now's the time to finish the skits and organizer and learn the stories... but right now I'm caught up with school!

Oh, please pray that I won't waste my time; that I will do what needs to be done and I won't get "cut off" in the race!

and...
Soli Deo Gloria