Snippets

On days like today, when I've gone to bed in full freak out mode and awoke, still panicking, the next day, I take some time to look through a book that's become my "anti-panic attack" book. It's a journal my friend Hannah gave me for my birthday this year, and I've begun to fill it with pictures and quotes that help me refocus and slow my heart down. In the interest of helping me do that this afternoon, I decided to type up a few selections from my book:

Unworthy

Ephesians 4:1 -
"LIVE A LIFE WORTHY OF THE CALLING YOU HAVE RECEIVED."

It seems that I was called by God prior to "being worthy" of said call. Taken one way, that is incredibly humbling! God didn't see a "spark of greatness" in me, but rather saw a girl in a helpless state and a way for his power to be manifest.

Ephesians 5: 1, 8 -
"BE IMITATORS OF GOD... YOU WERE ONCE DARKNESS, BUT NOW YOU ARE LIGHT IN THE LORD."

Another way to see my unworthiness is as an encouragement. Even though I was darkness, he chose me and enabled me to be an imitator of the infinite God. I now have his power to do his will. He also gave me a commission to be "light" and "expose the fruitless deeds of darkness." God uses my worthless state to reveal his power and purpose in my life.

Looking at God's Will: "Obedience to the Heavenly Vision"

Obedience to the Heavenly Vision is a short book written by Sam Doherty, the former CEF co-director of Ireland and regional director of Europe along with his wife Sadie. I read it as a part of my support-raising training through CEF, but even if it hadn't been assigned, hopefully I would have picked it up at some point and read it through. I can't tell you how encouraging it was to me!

As I read Obedience, the personal nature of God’s vision stood out to me. Sometimes I’ve been frustrated with God’s call: why are there things He asks me but doesn’t ask my friends? Why does He send them through one route and me through another? I’m like the pot that asks its creator, why have you made me like this? I also frequently wonder if I’ve botched things up enough so that God will give up on me and take His vision elsewhere. But when I doubt my place in His plan, He continues to bring things into my life to remind me how He brought me into ministry, and that my place is here until He takes me out – things like this book.

For someone who tends to pressure herself and compare herself to others, it is liberating to read that His purpose in sending His vision isn’t merely for me to complete a task, nor is it to make me more like someone else. Rather, His revelation is to help me understand who He is; His purpose is to draw me closer to Him. Whatever God has for me will look different in some ways from what He gives to others, in the same way He made me different in looks and personality. Through this plan, He shows me that He values me, that He understands me better than I understand myself, and that His purpose for me is specific.

Encouragement in the face of... stuff.

  A Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L'Engle was on my shortlist of favorite books for my sophomore and junior years of high school (if you read it, you will understand the appeal it holds for an awkward teenage girl). In the story there was a poem that captured the attention of the heroine and myself. It wasn't "The World", by Henry Vaughan, although that would be a good guess considering the book's title. The poem was actually a short and odd-sounding snippet (to my modern ears) by Sir Thomas Browne, and it helped our moody protagonist as she dealt with the immanent death of her grandfather.

Habakkuk 2:13, 14 (NIV)

"Has not the LORD Almighty determined that the people's labor is only fuel for the fire,

that the nations exhaust themselves for nothing?

For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD,

as the waters cover the sea."

Bethel's thoughts: No matter how hard I work (or how lazy I am), no matter how good I am or how full of mistakes, God says he'll still fill the world with knowledge of him. I just need to stand back and watch. :)

September

 I didn't complete this and post it last month because it felt a little personal, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to edit a lot of this out. Now that I'm looking at this at the end of October, this post is a perfect reminder to me of how far God has taken me in the last two months, as far as my financial situation is concerned. I never expected Him to take care of me during a financial crunch, and I certainly never expected His generous outpouring the last few weeks, thanks to my local CEF committee. But enough of now; here's my life from last month:

 Hudson Taylor was the "missionary of the summer" for 5-day club this year. He is also, in a Protestant sense if there is such a thing, the patron saint of having no money.

   I used to say to my friends with great jocularity, "Guys, I don't have any money." Then I'd, on occasion, take a sister to the movies or buy treats for a group of summer missionaries, because well, I had a little non-designated cash. Now, I can honestly say "I have no money." My bank account is almost empty.

   Why am I OK with this? I'll say one thing; I'm more than OK. I'm taken care of, I'm even satisfied. That sounds ridiculous; I'm even laughing at myself tonight; but it's true. Maybe it's selfish. I don't even know.

Things continue

My two comrades-in-arms, Faith and Kyla.
We got to work together at training, and since
then we've been running three different directions!

Now that summer is nearly over, I'm struggling to keep my eyes ahead.

All I really want to do is look back on the last few months and say, "Whew! I'm done!" But I need to plan and prepare for what's ahead, or else what's ahead will jump out at me like so many things this summer. I don't want that.

For God's Global Mission

   Over Christmas break last year (2013 already -- I know right?), I was privileged to go to St. Louis for Intervarsity Christian Fellowship's mission conference, URBANA '12.   It was similar to being a drop of paint, fallen into a bucket of swirled colors: a little overwhelming and incredibly bright, but invigorating, inspiring... and humbling.

   One of the first things Calisto Odede, the keynote speaker, spoke on, was Jesus' mission statement in Luke 4. Jesus had come to zoom in on the real problems of individuals, and to change their lives completely. It made people upset, however, that he addressed problems other than the ones they brought to him. They didn't recognize him for who he was, but instead of changing their view, they blamed him for not being what they expected. 

   This wonderful sermon gave me a goal for the conference: to not expect God to be what I wanted him to be, but expect him to do his work his way for his glory. I didn't meet the goal with any sort of ease, however; nor did I meet it with a large measure of success...but that you shall see later on. 

   The first morning we spent in St. Louis, I wrote in my notebook: God has things for me here that aren't what I came for. I had told myself I was willing to follow him whatever he asked, but I assumed (in big things and small, hardly significant decisions) that I knew already what he wanted from me. Urbana has God's word has shaken me up quite a bit. 

The stadium, filling with IV students and future missionaries

Myself and my bff Hannah, fresh off a 6+ hour car ride

Plans

So my life has devolved into this:

Step 1: see new email, phone message, etc. about something I need to do.
Step 2: ignore message until it is no longer pertinent.
Step 3: do laundry.
Step 4: realize that I should have done something about that something instead of letting it drop.
Step 5: get annoyed and promise to do better next time. (see Step 1)

Grr. I know I'm not the only one who lives like this sometimes. But sometimes, every once in a while, on my off days, I feel the tiniest bit like I'm the only one with so many plans that aren't going anywhere. See, I'm still in the planning stages on most of...my life.

I have some event planning to do for the CEF fall banquet (one of my favorite times of the year when we get to reflect on the summer and what God has done), and some sleepover planning so our summer missionaries can get together before the fall banquet (more fun!).

But there's also plans like, how will I raise support this fall so I can continue working with CEF, or should I quit working with CEF and get a normal part-time job to juggle with my current part-time job? File under "Job Plans."

Then there's my living situation; I'm in stage one of considering a move, stage one being, "who could rent a place with me?" and "what all must I consider before making a move -- proximity to my school, or to work, or whether or not I can also afford a car?" Also, "can I really afford a move when I may or may not be between jobs (see "Job Plans")?" That's a can of worms I file under "Place Plans."

Treating God as God

8/18/12
A few thoughts on...

Hosea 14:3
       We will never again say
       'Our gods' to what our 
       hands have made, for in 
       you the fatherless find compassion.

'Our gods' our hands have made - what I spend time with; creative time, relationship-building, loving time. What I invest my life in.
                     Turning in times of pain & distress to these things. Seeking advice or comfort when confused, love when I'm needy, direction when I'm aimless. Sacrificing for these things.

What will CYIA look like this year?

This year, nine young people from Western Wisconsin will be training to reach kids with the Gospel. They'll be training with two team leaders, who have taught 5-day clubs for years and are now willing to share what they know with the younger teens. 

Here's a few things that these summer missionaries will learn this summer...

At the risk of being over-obvious...

They'll learn how to teach! And not just during the two-week training. One missionary said last year, “we were having difficulties teaching [at club] because of the large variety of ages and there were 36 kids. So we split the club, and it worked.” Another teen said she learned that God “can empower me to teach 25 kids just as well as 2.”

“I am excited to learn this year,” says another returning student from La Crosse, “and to review my lessons from last year.” She adds, “Watching those kids [last year] understand and accept the gift God has given was so cool.”

5-day club verses

This year, the club theme is Jesus the Lifesaver, aka Knowing Christ.

There's a new memory verse for each day, all of them about who Jesus says He is. They're known as the "I Am" verses from the book of John. :)

Monday: JOHN 10:11 "I am the good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd lays down His life for the sheep."

Tuesday: JOHN 6:35 "...I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry and he who believes in Me will never be thirsty."

Knowing Christ in Quiet

“Do you know what a quiet time is?” the 5-day club teacher asked the kids. One spoke up with certainty; “when you're asleep.”
It was probably true, for this boy, that the only “quiet time” of day was when he slept. That was most certainly the only “quiet time” of day for his mother!

The disciples, ironically, might have given the same answer about quietude. Everywhere they traveled with Jesus, someone had a question or a problem for Him to solve. Many times, it was the disciples themselves who had questions. They were confused and sometimes frustrated by Jesus and His answers.

Manifesto

Christ has given me a purpose -- "from now on, you will catch men."

He entrusted the ministry of reconciliation to me!

Why do I doubt? I can't do his work -- obviously -- but he can.

I believe he will get me through school in his way, and that he'll educate me far beyond that.

I believe he will guide the people around me and draw my heart to the right person at the right time, so there's no reason for me to be concerned about it now.

I believe he will deepen my dependence on him. And I believe this one will be painful.

I believe he will heal my body and mind.

                      -- OK, I'm still having a hard time with this one. I'm still afraid he won't heal me and I'll mess            
                          everything up because I'm broken. But...

I believe he will use me for his glory even though I'm broken. His Spirit will move in me to touch others' lives.

I (in myself) am afraid. But I (in Him) am confident that He is not finished with me yet.

Isaiah's Commission | My Commission | Your Commission

In Isaiah 6, God shares his terrible judgement and hard news for His people with the prophet Isaiah. Isaiah saw God's holiness and was overwhelmed by his sins and those of his people. He also saw that only God could make him fit for service, as a seraph touches Isaiah's lips with a coal and says "your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for" (v. 6-7).


The commission God gave to him was not an easy one for Isaiah to carry out, but he was willing to be used of God, no matter the task. God's will, it seems, has little or nothing to do with the desires or disposition of his vessel. His sovereignty and holiness make it incredible that he would put broken vessels to use in his perfect plan.

This reading had particular meaning to me as I thought about the teacher training I helped lead on Saturday. The teachers who came were so earnest in their desire to lead people to Christ that I was ashamed. They were eagerly responding to the call, "whom shall I send?" I hope they left our sessions feeling encouraged - I myself left feeling challenged by their questions and interest.

Am I willing to be used as a broken vessel in God's service; no thoughts for myself, but only thoughts for the person and message of Christ?

Spoiler alert: THE WAY = Jesus

So there Jesus was, about to die. He and his friends were finishing up some last-minute gospel teaching, but Jesus' message wasn't quite getting through to his friends.

"I will be with you only a little longer," Jesus said.

Simon Peter asked him, "Lord, where are you going?"

Jesus replied, "Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later."

Peter asked, "Lord, why can't I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you."

Peter wasn't the only one with questions: after Jesus told his disciples that he would take them where he was going one day, and that they knew the way to that place, Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"

Jesus didn't expect that his disciples had some sort of magical GPS that told them how to get to unknown destinations, but he did expect that they knew him, at least a little bit.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

How small is your strength! (Proverbs 24:10)

Sometimes I realize how completely lost and hopeless I am. It's not like I want to be a fool, but sometimes I really am a fool.

Colossians 1

What does the Bible say about us as Children of God?

We have been "...strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness; 

     giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light; 

Keats, Harry Potter, and the Matrix. Because I'm not a Poet.

Who was it who said, "a thing of beauty is a joy forever?"
Ah yes.
It was John Keats in his poem Endymion, and I think he was wrong.

STOP a second

It was a Monday, I believe, when Sammi was at club.
She was almost junior high age, so she was a little older than some of the other kids. But she and her siblings had a lot of fun playing games with us. For one game I had all the kids line up and as I read a "right heart attitude", they could take a giant step forward. For each "wrong heart attitude", they had to stay where they were. If someone moved when they weren't supposed to, we would send them back to the starting line.
The game may not sound very exciting, but the kids liked it - maybe because it was easy to tell which was a right attitude and which was a wrong one!
But Sammi surprised me when the group of kids got close to the finish line.
I read, "I talk to God every day, every chance I get," and all the other kids took a big step forward.
But Sammi stayed back.
"Sammi," I said in surprise. "Why didn't you take a big step?"
"Because," said Sammi, "I don't do that all the time."
I explained that, while the attitudes I was reading were good, the kids didn't have to step forward only if they had those attitudes. Sammi said, "Ohh," and stepped up to the other kids.
That was all.

But Sammi's attitude got me thinking.

It took guts to stop when everyone else kept moving forward. It took even more guts to speak up and say, "I don't do that all the time." So I think maybe we had it backwards all summer. The kids are the teachers... and we teenagers just show up to learn from them.

Sammi's actions taught me to stop and think about the true nature of my relationship with God; not to just move forward with things. Sometimes I assume everyone else must have a word from God I don't; surely they're all moving in the right direction!

But maybe God just wants me to stop.

The college I'm attending this fall has a motto based on what Jesus said to Martha in Luke 10; "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Everyone else may be "worried... about many things", but you and I need to stop and say "there is something I'm not doing, and it's what I need to do. I need to get closer to God."

That's what won't be taken away from us at the finish line.